Absence Makes The Heart Less B*tchy

There comes a point in every girl’s relationship when her boyfriend says those three little words she wasn't quite expecting to hear: “I’m going camping.”  Even if your man has never set foot in the sticks, there will be something that urges him to take a long weekend with his guy friends and head to the country with a pair of boots and a trunk full of camping equipment.  Don’t take it personally. Men need their mountain time — their own space to be alone with their thoughts, eat shitloads of burnt veggie burgers, and get filthy. Consider this a blessing in bug spray-soaked disguise.

You’ll have alone time at last, and that’s a great thing for your relationship. Don’t believe me? Here are 9 reasons why you need this time to yourself.

You need your me-time routine.

Sure you can pop your zits, cut your cuticles, and wax your upper lip in front of him. Go right ahead. But it's more satisfying to attack your lady parts with a lady Bic in total, utter solitude. Do you smell that? That's the scent of your sweet, sweet three-hour peroxide-based teeth whitening kit burning off a layer of plaque — alone.

You need to remind yourself that you're not roommates.

When you've been living together for an extended period of time, your relationship's original heat and spice has a way of turning to matters like paying the heating bills and adjusting the spice rack. Do not succumb to the boring roommates blahs! Let the dishes pile up! Enjoy his absence as a way of regaining your space and reestablishing your relationship.

You need to spend more time with your friends.

Let him hang out with the guys — you probably need some time with your buddies you haven't seen in a while. Call up your old, platonic guys from college you haven't seen in years. Phone your best friend from your last job, the one you keep promising to get lunch with. Text your besties for a wild bar night. You'll both have more fun knowing that you're having a great time with friends.

You need to move on from that fight.

Couples often have the same arguments over and over again. Use his absence to get over that feud that's been bugging you. It's like making him sleep on the couch, but without that same old fight. You desserve some time apart to blow off steam with no hard feelings.

You need to feel like you're single again.

The grass is sometimes greener on the other side. Get a good look at the grass — seriously, get your face up and close to that greenery so you can really check it out. Go out with your girlfriends and let a guy or two hit on you. A cheap thrill, sure, but hopefully you'll find yourself missing your man more than a missed connection.

You need to do everything you suppress while he's around.

Generally, you're respectful about vegetarianism. Sure, you eat meat, but you'd never go out of your way to rub it in his face. But while he's gone you can feel free to get indulge. So make an eat a whole ketchup smeared meatloaf. Suck down two liters of soda. Bathe in a tub of Cheetos. No one will be around to hide your farts from.

You need to be alone.

Between your job, your friends, your family, your pet and your relationship, you're never really alone anymore. Your iPhone is always glued to your hand and you have an unholy obsession with reality tv. Use this time apart to unplug and give yourself a break from everyone and everything. Take a bath. Be quiet. Go for a walk. It's amazing what a little quiet time can do for your own well-being.

You need to crave sex.

Even a short abstinence policy is a surefire way to boost your sex drive. Although it's self-imposed by his absence, you'll quickly begin to yearn for the little touch points you share throughout the day, like pecks on the cheek and hand holding. By the time he comes home, you'll be racing into his arms and under the sheets.

You need to miss him.

Yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. People always want what they can't have, and that feeling wanting is so, so important. Remember when you first started dating and you waited for that first text, that first email, and that first call? Do yourself a favor and stop texting, stop emailing, stop calling, and take some down time. It will make you both miss each other, and that's a beautiful thing to come home to.


{Source: The Gloss}

“He’s Really Just a Friend”

Picture this: You and a female companion have been spending a lot of time together. Although you didn’t foresee it happening, you are acquiring a strong interest in her that goes beyond your friendship. She seems to have the same interest in you that you have in her, but you’re still uncertain. You push pride aside and let her know that you want to become more than friends… She appears to be shocked and proceeds to explain why she thinks you two should remain friends. You’re disappointed, but I want you to know that you’re not alone. A plethora of men are picking up what remains of their heart after receiving disappointing news that a lady friend is uninterested in taking their friendship to another level. How could you have not noticed she wasn’t feelin’ you? It’s pretty difficult to understand the friendship-relationship boundary with women. We can invest time in you emotionally, but not physically. Or we can invest time in you physically, but not emotionally. Either way, if we’re not investing in you physically and emotionally, we’re not going to want to take the relationship much further. I must be clear in saying that you still may stand a chance.

Here are 3 ways to know if you are in the “friend zone”:



1. She doesn’t flirt back with you.

The moment you decide to make a suggestive comment and/or become more “touchy-feely” than usual, you need to watch her reaction. If she blows you off with an awkward giggle, grows silent, and/or becomes irate with you, she has placed you in the friend zone. If she flirts back with you and/or encourages you to flirt more, she may be interested in taking your friendship further.

2. She encourages you to date other women.

Women can be pretty territorial, especially when it comes to people we care about. If she is encouraging you to date other women, she has placed you in the friend zone. If you notice she becomes distant with you when you mention another woman, there’s a possibility that she wants to be with you.

3. She is consistently dressed ‘down’ in your presence.

If your lady friend is consistently dressed ‘down’ in your presence, more than likely she’s not interested in being with you, unless her fashion of choice is athletic gear and/or vintage t-shirts. Sex appeal is unique to each woman, so whatever her fashion preference, she’s sure to wear it in the presence of a man she’s interested in.

FABcredits: Ree "The (REE)lationship Guide"

Are There Any Real Benefits to "Friends with Benefits"?

Having "friends with benefits" can be fun. But it can also destroy friendships and stand in the way of real relationships.

A friend of mine met a guy that reminded her of one of her favorite celebrities Idris Elba. She instantly, fell in love with him and after dating for a while, realized that they only one thing in common was sex. Eventually, they decided to be FWB (friends with benefits). After discussing this situation with my friend and those who know me know that when there is something that uncertain or bothers me, I take it to the internet to do my research of the pros/cons of a FWB relationship and not surprised to what I found. According to a Michigan State University study, sixty-percent of college co-eds have been involved in a FWB relationship, and most if not all of my thirty-something girlfriends were doing it to stay satisfied, so I figured I'd tell my friend what the heck... Give the laid back, no-romantic-attachments approach to getting laid a chance. Well, needless to say and after giving it some thought... Most women are not capable of having this type of relationship and that I had given my friend advice that would most likely lead to heartbreak and that didn't sit easy with me. Time went on and a year later, my friend and her "celebrity look alike" fling still hang out and hump like dogs. She did however express to me that after her most recent rendezvous weekend, she began to wonder "what I'm doing". What are the real benefits to friends with benefits? Sure, now  she have a in-case-of-sexual-emergency-hit-Glass-lookalike. But at the same time, she's started to realize that the situation is causing her to question the meaning of friendship, all while challenging her chances at romances, and wobbling emotional stability.

When Friend Is a Four Letter Word

Ironically, booty-call buddies devalue the closeness of camaraderie while raising the stakes on romance. The cornerstone of friendship is open communication, and becoming a friend with benefits actually shuts down those open lines. Let's face it, if the only thing you're doing together is having sex, it isn't the same thing as sharing who you are. According to "Friends With Benefits, And Stress Too," casual sex actually adds anxiety to a budding connection. Sometimes, a FWB is really a way of avoiding a real relationship. See, my friend retreated to friends with benefits status before she even had a chance to get rejected in the boyfriend battle. By over-analyzing every little detail of a relationship under the guise of girl talk is bad, but acting like you don't care about having a relationship at all isn't much better.

Whatever Happened to Wining and Dining?

These days, dating has gotten as casual as sex. We've replaced courtship with text messaging and online social networking. Consequently, our relationships are as disposable as our technology. With a FWB, there's not much wooing or chasing. And romance? Huh, forget about it. Wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am isn't a relationship. A relationship is honest-to-goodness, face-to-face commitment. Besides, Isn't the slow seduction part the most exciting part of a relationship? Friends with benefits jump to conclusions -- the conclusion of the possibility of a real relationship, in most cases. One-night-stands are one thing, but if you're a repeat FWB offender... Let's call a spade a spade and keep it real, you're really dating, but not by any relationship standards, and those are pretty superficial relationships you're having.

Riding the Highs and Lows

Being addicted to FWBs isn't just socially confusing. Mother Nature's messing with your head, too. Biologically speaking, sex is a drug. Or at least it feels that way for women, thanks to oxytocin, the hormonal transmitter that makes you feel happy, relaxed, and bonded to your partner after sex. In a FWB, your mind may be telling you no about a guy, but your body may be telling you yes. It's confusing. Men don't get this bonding hormone in the same dosage, or, in some cases, at all. Oftentimes, as much as we women tell ourselves we're not attached to these dudes we do, but the fact of the matter is that it's not something we can totally control. Part of how you feel about him is a side effect of sex. If you're not careful, casual sex can actually cause depression.


So why do women keep falling into the friends with benefits trap? Ten-percent of the time, a FWB turns into more, but in the meantime all we're getting is less. Ultimately, you’re bound to be disappointed if you enter into a FWB relationship with a friend who you’re secretly hoping becomes something more. If you want to date him, you need to be up front about that. But if you’re like most girls in FWB situations, you’re not crossing your fingers that the relationship gets upgraded to boyfriend-girlfriend status. You just wanna have fun. And chances are, so does he. 

If you like FWB relationships then more power to you. Do what you enjoy doing but I ask you this, is it really FABulous to settle for coach when you could go first-class?

Until next time.... Keep it FABulous!